Light light light up the sky to show me that you are with me…
I try not to preach, preaching is for those who already believe in the Gospel… Preaching and sermons are there as training tools for the believer. Give an atheist or a skeptic a sermon they aren’t even going to listen… It’ll just go in one ear out the other. I’m just here to live my life and testify my experiences. Even when I testify I am still accused of preaching. I guess if ANYTHING in my life remotely relates to Jesus it’s preaching and people will stop listening there…or sometimes they will try to convince me that I’m in chains and held back by religion. But I know this isn’t true and I can certainly say those actually laying their lives down for the Gospel know this isn’t true. But all the power to those who keep saying I’m imprisoned and need to be set free.
I did free myself one time though. I turned my back on God. You know it actually really sucked. I was depressed, stressed out, mean to everyone, snappy, bitter, living a life that only benefited myself, confrontational, someone mentioned I was like the Tasmanian devil. Heck there was a time my marriage was on the line. Something was missing… Nothing in life satisfied me. My anxieties were high because I was searching for more and more and couldn’t find it. I don’t want to go into details but I was a mess.
Until that sky lit up for me again and I dared to seek once more. Everyone’s seeking and I hope that they find what they are seeking. Actually I had wrong intentions and I think many who experience Jesus actually have wrong intentions and that is OK. I walked into church because I figured I’d gain some customers for the store I owned at the time. I literally went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I was brought up so conservative it isn’t even funny… I did religion and religion tired me out and betrayed me. I defied everything I was taught (don’t enter a pentecostal church they are there only for self entertainment and they are fakes) I stepped on dangerous ground. At first I laughed at how spiritual everyone was… Something I was not used to. “oh goodness look at those hand raisers… Wait do they actually roll around?” (only actual roller in my church is my kid but it is pro ably because the carpet is all plushy)
Some people can sit in a pew their whole lives just because it’s tradition and never even be moved. I was one of those who got hit full on with the holy spirit… I don’t know why but God grabbed hold of me and refused to let go. This wasn’t a Bible experience this wasn’t some “I’m gonna just believe because this book says so” experience this was full out surrender. Tears streaming from my eyes, hands in the air, complete utter abandon, best feeling in the world… Oh man I was home for a moment.
I don’t get how people assume Christians just only do stuff because a book tells them too and they are superstitious. Like if I volunteer in ministry it’s because I was told to and I’m living a lie. If I donate to a cause it’s because I have to and I’m only doing it for show. If I do anything the Bible says I’m just fooling myself. Or my favourite someone who only gets their daily scripture from atheist Internet memes tells me that if I don’t follow EVERYTHING in the whole Bible I’m screwed… Sometimes I want to just take a Bible and wack em… Or just hit my head off a wall. I have so much revealed to me it wants to burst out but I know even if I let it loose they still won’t get it. I hold back sooooooo much from commenting on posts online. Actually I’ve been really practicing self control and instead of arguing I just go find something positive to post…. Then when they try to tear that down I’ll go find new stuff… Gotta keep em busy right?
But yeah I don’t understand people sometimes. In the end all I can do is be me. A big part of me is Christ in me and so many people hate that but I carry it anyway. Because when I don’t carry that part in my life I’m lost. That’s just how it is. I suck at relying on my own strength. Everytime I do things in my own strength I fail.
I’m a sucker to the world around me but at the end of the day I look behind me and realize I’ve got an army standing at my back and no matter what comes against me I’m not going to fall.
A stranger once told me to always look up at the sky at night and tell myself that I’m a good and kind person. I needed that at the time because everyday I thought I was just a failure. I look at the night sky and it’s awe and wonder and I don’t see mistakes up there I see purpose and hope. If anyone is actually reading this no matter who you are you matter you are not a failure and you have a purpose. Look up at that sky and know that it’s lit just for you 💖