I have had such a wonderful weekend. I can’t say how awesome it is to spend an entire weekend away from the daily rind and grind to focus on Jesus. And just spend time in His presence. It’s so good. I really don’t care who calls me a fool or who hates me for following Jesus and the Gospel. I just want to be real and follow after his heart. Anyways I had a phenominal weekend and I can’t wait to tell everyone about it!
Day 15: God’s Love
What does it REALLY mean to LOVE? What exactly is Love?
People throw the word “Love” around like an old toy. If they agree with something they “Love ” it. If they have an infatuation with someone they love them. If they think something is really cool they Love it. The word “Love” is used so often and there are so many meanings of Love. But what does God say about Love?
“Love is Patient, Love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud. It is not rude. It does not demand it’s own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
“But I tell you, Love your Enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 6: 44
Love. How does one even fathom loving those who hurt them? How do you even love someone who’s done something horrible? How do you love the person who’s spreading lies about you? How do you love the person who’s unloveable? How can someone love a bum on the street? Or how can anyone love a drug addicted prostitute? How? But yet people do love their enemies, people do love those are broken, smelly, living on the street. People love those who do not even deserve love.
Our namtural instict when being hurt is to strike back. It’s normal, that is how human nature is. My mind, body and soul wanted to so badly to strike back so many times when people hurt me. And I have been hurt a lot. I have a right to strike back when smeone does me injustice do I not? It’s my God given right to defend myself, argue, and dig into THEIR past and throw it on them like they are throwing my past and failures on me! I’m guilty of doing this before too…and sometimes I still fall victim. Why do I fall victim? because when I rely on my own strength and understanding…well…I will sink to other people’s levels.
But when I rely on God’s strength, I am able to bite my tongue when I want to yell. I am able to think of the possitives when I want to dwell on all the negatives. I want to tell everyone that I have been wronged but through Him I am able to bless those who persecute me instead so that when people come to me I can say “Yes what they said is hurtful or what they did hurts BUT here’s their good side and everyone falls into the habit of bashing each other do they not?”
If it was not for God…I’d be running my mouth at a whole lotta people. If it wasn’t for God’s love flowing through me I’d think of myself before others all the time. It’s natural to put yourself FIRST…it’s hard to put others first especially those who don’t even deserve it. But I want to selflessly love and when I do it feels warm, true, real and so so good. I can put myself first but there’s just something so beautiful and attractive about putting others first sometimes. And the world may think I’m insane, people might yell at me for donating more money to a family when I can barely support my own…but my family has ALWAYS been provided for.
Love, it’s kind, it’s selfless, it loves under ALL circumstances. And who is God? God is Love. And is He is love I want a peice of that.
Friday September 28 Day 16: The Supernatural
There is a Supernatural aspect to te Bible. If God is who he says he is then it’s clearly supernatural and divine. I believe in the Supernatural and I belive that whatever supernatural existed in jesus’ days exists today. It can be a very hard topic to discuss especially when I grew up in a church that told me demons were not real, people can not heal other people even with God working through them and I was told that speaking in tounges was fake and crazy. There was only water baptism and that was it. None of this Holy Spirit stuff…
Well I learned (On Friday) that people are still being tormented by demons…they come in so many forms.
If you belive in God you have to believe in the enemy. You need to understand that God does not kill, steal and destroy people the enemy does. The enemy kills, steals, destroys, torments us, wrecks havoc, creates those self righteous churchy mean people who won’t let “Sinners” Through the doors. The Gospel is so wonderful but oh how easy it is to take it and twist it. Satan probably loves that…I’m sure he marvels in this denomination of churches too. Don’t even get me started on that…That’s a whole different blog.
I suffer from Anxiety disorder. It torments me sometimes. It tormented me 3 times a week as a teenager. There are holes in my parent’s walls because of me. I’ve put my forehead through the wall multiple times in complete torment. I have flipped a couch with one hand across a room. I have acted like an insane person…one who could NOT get out of that state. It was so hard to get out of that torment. I hated it yet I continued to be that way. I would convulse on the floor, scream, throw things…just go nuts. But then tomorrow would be fine and ladddy da da I’d be all happy and NOBODY would even know.
Laste week and I mentioned this…I suffered another anxiety attack. But this one was different…this one was brought on because I got off the fence I was sitting on as christian and I crossed that fence. I had been sitting there too long, stuck between life and Church. I was living the motions, and the enemy LOVES fence sitters. Think Satan cares if you go to church? Nope! Does he care when you get off the fence? Yeah. And whatever was tormenting me trembled and was pissed. So here I go again…anger, torment, wall smacking all over again. I was NOT in control. It’s very hard to get control even thopugh it eventually goes away and I’m fine.
But I was just fed up. I was sick and tired of this anxiety. It plagued me for far too long. This feeling of something else in control. Something seen in a horror movie. No I was not letting it win…in fact I was not even going to let it stay. My neioghbours heard me scream that night…it was a blood curdling scream of agony and pleading. I told whatever was plaguing me where to go and this time I used Jesus’ name. And I don’t give a rip how crazy I sound it worked instantly. And it still works instantly. And I am sick of fence sitting, I am sick of anxiety I am sick of living like like a russion roulette gun.
You know what? Jesus DID NOT come to make me a victim…He came to make me Victorious. And who really cares How I get out of my state of agony? The point is…I’m free.
Saturday September 29 Day 17: Asking for rain
Big things are going to happen and I expect it. I expect to witness healing, revival and a HUGE outpouring. I’m sick of the church being behind 4 walls all nice and comfy in the pews, standing on a bright orange carpet…because my church has a funky orange carpet…it’s actually a trademark. Anyways I am sick of this go to church, feed me and I’l be back to the daily grind on monday.
Some people will be happy about this, others pissed. I don’t care. All I know is that 50 ladies in my town are now filled with excitement and passion and we’re about to let some great things happen. I’m not talking about forcing people to coke to church or anything I’m talking about the biggest outpouring this town has ever seen. It’s time to pour. When it rains it pours. It’s time for miracles, it’s time to reach out to those that are judged, it’s time help the widow, the homeless, the poor, the drug addict, the local “Trash” and who cares what eveyone else thinks? It’s time for rain!
I’m so glad to be a part of this. This is so exciting. After a dry season…it is time for Rain!
Sunday September 30 Day 18: Passion
If you are sitting in a church only going there to feel good for yourself you are doing it wrong. If you go to church to look better than others…you are doing it wrong. If you are trying to win souls by saying “You are going to Hell.” you are doing it wrong.
I want a passion for Jesus, I want to love back the one who first loved me so much He gave his life for me. I want to just love my hero. I want to love Him so much that I enjoy doing what the Gospel says and that His fragrance radiates on me. Those who really love Jesus are the ones who are out there reaching the wounded, hurting people that society hates. Jesus loves the trash…He can clean them up. And so many people want and need that. There are people who have been to the bottom of the barrel who feel they can never be clean who want forgiveness, who need love but have no clue where and how to get it.
I have seen people grasp Jesus with passion because they were able to get rid of their past. They were able to forgive themselves and move on. We had a woman speak for us ladies at retreat, her name is Tracy Stewart and if you have the time to listen to her testimony I totally recommend it. You can find it on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gSxlt-8cHw&feature=relmfu (Tracey Stewrat Testimony) It’s audio only but absolutely powerful and amazing. Tracey was abused, a drug addict, had been raped, worshipped Satan, and went through hell…more hell than you or I coul;d even fathom. And today she is on fire for Jesus and she is NOT going back to the life she left behind. Before you even consider telling me Christianity is a waste of time I DARE you to listen to her testimony in full…then come back and tell me following Jesus is a waste.
Passion is knowing that people are mocking you, hating you, calling you an idiot, threatning to not be your friend but yet you follow Jesus anyways. And that’s what I plan to do…any friend of mine who tell me I need to stop being a Christian or else can either accept me or hit the highway because I am NOT going back to my old ways of life. It sucked. Jesus is much better…it’s selfish for anyone to tell me to stop beliving in God.
I am not owed ANYTHING from Jesus. Nothing! I do not even deserve Jesus. Yet Jesus takes the worst of me…he takes all my baggage and problems. But He really deserves the BEST in me. My passion, my love, my praise. He deserves it. God only requires one thing of his people and that is Their love. If I love God more than ANYONE else what does that mean? It means that I will give my best…and this is to everyone too. It is so awesome to put God first, that doesn’t mean people are chopped liver. This actually means that those people in my life will get the best of me too. I want them to have the bst of me. They don’ t need baggage although I know they’ll carry it for me but it’s time to have passion and it is time that people get the best of who I am.
I’m not going to be a Bible thumper who points fingers at sinners. I’m not going to be the mean church lady who crinkles her nose because “So and so walked into the church” I am not going to be one who force feeds words either. I just want to be passionate and I just want God to work in me so that people can have the best of who I am because I belive that’s what they deserve.
I want to be a new person…I don’t want to go back to the way I was. It is time I climb to new heights, with passion, become that new creature. I am still me. But I want others to notice that so many of my bad habits and qualities are gone. I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of judging, I’m even tired of putting people down when they deserve it. I’m done with mean, it is time to move on and be possitive. And I am so excited!