Dedicated to the man I have spent almost 8 wonderful years with…and many more 🙂
I remember the first time I saw you, it was a sunny fall day in 2002 and it was lunch time. I headed out the side doors that day, normally I would go for the back doors so I would be intentionally walking by the Hockey Players but that day I just didn’t want to use my regular route. You know the whole story, about my major infatuation with the hockey player I had hoped would sweep me off my feet, I was avoiding the other team mates that day but knew my knight in his shining Violet coloured tiny Honda Civic would come driving by and I was dead set on standing by the side of that road waiting for that car to drive by. But I saw you too that day, the only thing I knew about you was that you were a “Loser”. I had no idea you had to deal with abuse from your step father on a daily basis, you kept that to yourself, nobody knew you walked home scared I always wondered why you even bothered to go home at lunch.
But there you were, buzz cut orange hair, that horrid red plaid jacket that’s actually in style now >< and I watched as you walked the opposit direction. For some reason I felt bad for you, you looked so lonely so I said a little prayer. It was probbaly one of the most sincere prayers I have ever said as a teen. I spoke to God like he was my best friend, and it was rare for me to speak to God that way back then. I said “Hey God? That kid looks lonely, and I bet he’s looking for love. Please find him someone to be his friend, more than a friend but a soul mate. Someone he will give his world to, I would love to see him happy.” Then my crush drove by, I got the flutters and walked on home. Oddly enough I never realized just how lonely I was in High School. It was usually just me and my music. I had no reason to stay at school for lunch.
I faced heart break, my so called “Knight” never came for me. There was a point I faced reality and realized he probably didn’t even know me. Maybe he remembers me in some odd way but I was just another face. So what if I was probably his only BIG fan next to his friends and family…come to think of it, he never made it big, most of the people in that arena probably forgot his name by now. He is simply a shadow, another person in this world trying to make it big somewhere. I lost the infatuation by the end of grade 10 and I moved on. Still a fan, still curious but didn’t need to be swept off my feet anymore.
Many more events led to the day we met face to face. The summer of 2003 I had gotten letters in my mail box from a “Stalker” who I still have no clue who it was. I fell in love with who ever wrote those notes, it occured that the person could have been ANYONE and maybe even not good looking. It might have been a prank. I’ll probably never know. But one note was right…I didn’t need to date the guy I was dating at the time as I was stringing him along, There were guys at school who liked me but too afraid to ask me out and one day the right guy would come along. The notes were signed “Guardian Angel” and it’s a good thing I got them as I broke up with my Boyfriend, I walked into grade 11 with my head lifted high and I vowed NEVER to date or trust a Hockey player seeing as how the rumors are true, 90% of them do just want to get into your pants.
I came into Grade 11 with more than my head lifted high. I came in with baggage of the emotional nature, I was on Medication for Anxiety, I was ADD, I was a ticking time bomb capable of things people still don’t even know about, I was destructive, afraid to hurt people. I was only looking for a friend because I was terrfied to tear another heart out. Then here we were in Natural Disasters class out of all places…ironically we met there. You know the story, I was nice to you, you started to like me, I only wanted to be friends but there was no way on earth you were going to give up. Out of all the guys in the school you were the one with the most guts. I warned you loud and clear what you would be getting into if you dated me. You didn’t care, you still wanted me even though I was psychotic.
I had said a prayer that you would find your soul mate and give your world to her. That prayer was answered. And it’s the best prayer God has EVER answered. I was looking for a friend and I found one, Nick, You are my best friend. So many friends have come and gone but the longest Best Friend I have ever had is you. When I hesitated to say yes to dating I was so afraid to hurt you. I was afraid of what others would say. I didn’t want to string you along only to fall in love with some other guy. I was so selfish and insecure in grade 11. But You never gave up and I’m so glad you didn’t give up.
You gave me your world, and by the look in your eyes I know how much I make you happy. You went through my emo baggage but held on in hopes I would improve, and with your help I improved. I have fallen head over heels in love. I feel empty when you are not around. I look forward to the time you get home. I love waking up next to you. I feel so blessed to be with you and not that other guy who I never talked to nor even really know. Thank Goodness for that. In fact all the qualities I imagined him to have you possess…and I know for certain he does not possess your qualities. I was after my knight, I just had the wrong face on him. And I am so happy that my Knight has found me.
Thankyou so much Nick for giving me your world. You have given me your whole heart and I can say with assurance that you have my whole heart. I love you so much that I wrote this very sappy blog…and I know your just going to do something even sappier to compete with this LOL. I love you for you, you are a gift from God and I couldn’t be happier.
Happy early 4th wedding anniversary sweetie (July 11th 2007). Thankyou for everything.