I was in search of a job and I landed a job with a conferencing company that specializes in Web and audio phone conferences. I admit that I was really nervous, I was facing a job that I had little experience in. I’m not a phone person or computer savvy. But I walked forward and accepted this job with gratefulness. I had anxiety throughout the entire process of obtaining this job. I had to work up the nerve to send my resume, I had to work up the nerve to call back for a phone interview, I had to work up the nerve to do the training and then I had to work up the nerve to do my first shift. Through it all I prayed, I needed strength to go through with this new experience. I needed the strength to move on and not back out. Through it all I was full of smiles, deep inside I was filled with anxiety but day after day I began to love my job. I was so happy that I accomplished my shifts. Each time I experienced something new and got over it I began to love my job.
I am an Operator so what I do is call in to a number and use a dashboard from the company, I need internet and phone. People get connected to me, I follow instructions that come up and connect them. It can be complicated and it can get overwhelming. Sometimes there is call after call other times no calls and I get paid to listen to the repetitive music for an hour. I have connected large companies, I have connected a well known News anchor, I have connected University students and hospitals, I deal with business people as well as Television people…there are all sorts of people who get connected to conferences. The most important thing to do is smile while on the phone, and hearing (Yes you can hear smiles) people smile back has made this job an awesome experience. I was so full of doubt when I started working for the company, I was in doubt that I was good at my job and I was in doubt that I would ever get promoted. I am a person who has a lot of self doubt. I believe anyone can do stuff but when it comes to me I just doubt.
I was feeling bad that I only had 8 hours a week while my husband worked full time weeks. I was feeling bad because I had failed in so many aspects of my life. When it comes to failure feelings I always get them. I feel like a failure because I brought my business into the dirt, I feel like a failure because I couldn’t fix friendships, I feel like a failure because I couldn’t get hired in town, I feel like a failure when I don’t clean the house good enough or can’t control my dog or when my daughter doesn’t listen to me. Ask my husband and he will tell you that I feel like a failure all the time. If I screwed up something in my new job…I felt like a failure. I blamed myself even if I wasn’t to blame. Glitches happen and it’s not my fault but I feel it is.
On Friday April 8th my mom told me to check my work email so I did. I almost fainted because the message indicated I had been promoted to moderator. The boss of the company liked my work so much that she decided I was worthy to not only operate for calls but to actually control conferences. My responsibilities went way up. Failure? No I didn’t feel like a failure on Friday. I don’t feel like one now. It’s so funny because I never expected to get promoted for another few months, My mom didn’t expect it, Nick didn’t either…I haven’t even gone through three months probation and I get promoted? What the heck did I do right? I took a job, I studied my job, I got interested in my job, I tried to do 100% in my job, I was content with my job even if it was only a few hours a week. The first thing I did when I got promoted was Thank the Lord because without him holding on to me I never would have gotten this far.
God can take small people and make them great, I believe this. Every single life experience defines who people are. Every mountain I have hurdled defines me. Every storm I go through is a new testimony. I might sometimes be a failure to this world but to God I am treasured. This means so much to me. I’ve screwed up so many times and yet I’m still loved and blessed by God. I am not certain where He is leading me but I have the feeling that getting a promotion has something to do with it. I’m over coming great fears. I am now smiling as I take on new challenges. So what if my anxiety is there? It’ll pass. I’m nervous about my new responsibilities and I know I’ll probably make some mistakes but it’s those mistakes that teach you to be better. You know, I’m a horrible public speaker despite the fact I talk too much. Could this job be the thing that gets me over that fear? I guess I will have to find out, but all I know is I am on a great journey and I’m not willing to let go of my God’s hand as he leads me through this journey.