Behind the smile:

Posted: April 5, 2011 in Storm
Tags: , , , , , ,

I look at my calandar and I freeze. April. There is something about the month of April that just gets my moods all out of wack. I figured out that I’m Seasonal Bi-Polar, I get constant ups and downs certain seasons and the rest of the year I maintain a calm. The month of April is rough. Last April I suffered a 5 day anxiety attack, I maintained my smile through it all but some people noticed a change, I became withdrawn, I was fidgety and always seemed to be shivering. I could feel the constant tug of emotions. It wasn’t fun at all. Mood disorders never are fun unless your at the high points where joyful insanity kicks in but a crash is imminent and the crash is never good.

This is the month I dread. April. I’ve already given out 2 warnings to my husband, this time he’s taking them all seriously. So far I’ve been able to work things out. I’ve stopped drinking caffiene, I’ve given up on candy, I’m not touching a lot of chocolate, and I am taking those dreaded herbal remedies. But most of all I’m leaning on God and praying my tail off. God Got me through last November I know he can get me through April. Daily devotion is not only helping me mentally right now it’s benificial to me spiritually. My spirit is proud to say that I lean on an amazing and powerful God. I love God, I believe that Jesus Christ is my saviour, and I can honestly say that without God I would not be where I am. I don’t even think I’d be here at all. I have many many testimonies that are all too long to share, I have testimony of coming out of each storm. I’ve been in dark places that I thought I would be lost in forever. But here I am today to tell everyone that I’m happy, full of joy and prepared to fight a great battle that I face all the time.

I want to thank everyone for prayer and support through my dark times. You mean a lot to me. All my family, friends, even people who barely know me, you are all amazing. You put a real smile behind my smile. I don’t have to fake a smile then go home and mope on the bathroom floor for hours on end. I can laugh, I can gather the strength to rid myself of the darkness I face. This sad story of mine has so far produced happy endings.

This month, I’m not afraid of the storms that I know will come my way. And it’s all thanks to so many amazing prayers and a wonderful supportive God who goes beyond what I ask. I’m asking him to make sure I remember to take my herbal remedies for goodness sake 😛 There was a darkness behind the smile but where there is darkness HE will shine.

Matthew 6:34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”


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